The message arrived from a faceless LinkedIn profile. Just a location of a military base in East Georgia and an email address. Something was off, it’s not every day you receive a cryptic message from a friend you haven’t seen in over 16 years. When we first met, we were both dealing with the heartaches and pains of divorce. My ex-wife and I separated during my tour in Iraq, and Schyler’s situation was similar. Honestly, it was a similar story for most everyone who put on the uniform. The divorce numbers for Service Members are somewhere north of 27k. Which is about 3% of Service Members that are divorced. It fluctuates from year to year and across different branches. As the saying goes, “If the Army wanted you to have a spouse, they would have issued you one.”
Because of our similar situations, we became friends quickly. I learned quite a bit about him from hanging out in the smoke pit behind the barracks. I knew his mother passed away when he was young--mainly because we were kids and stupid jokes were funny to us. Except Mom jokes to him. He would never speak ill of anyone else’s mom, even jokingly, because of his own experiences.
Overall, he was a good friend to have in your corner. When I left for Italy, he left for Texas, and we lost contact. I didn’t know he had gotten out of the military until much later in my career, even in my civilian career. I don’t think I had contact with him. We were friends on Facebook, but we didn’t talk much. I didn’t realize the struggles he was facing when he moved home from the military, and he didn’t know mine.
The Army teaches you how to survive the chaos of war, but it doesn’t really prepare you for life on the outside. You go through some harder things in the military than most civilians can even cope with. You learn quickly the power you have over someone else’s life, even before you turn 20 years old. That’s a kind of power most civilians can’t grasp until they have a child. So, when you get out, you return to a world that you once knew, but you don’t really know it anymore. You can’t return to the naive ignorance you had about how the world worked when you were a teenager. But you are expected to reintegrate into society. That’s a mind game nobody really gets. For my friend, that’s a mind game that broke him. He ended up going back into the life he joined the Army to escape.
I drove West through a Michigan snowstorm to see my friend get his life back. He found himself at a place in the middle of nowhere working on a church-oriented ranch and doing what he could to stay clean from drugs. When he graduated from the program, I was invited to attend the church service and his graduation program.
The church is a small building with a house-like feel. The moment I walked in, I was greeted with a smile, a handshake, and questions about who I was and why I was there. It wasn’t an interrogation, but it was definitely a protective measure. The service started late because the guys weren’t there yet. They were up early getting the pig they cooked ready, and just didn’t make it by the time service was supposed to start.
When the service finally started, they sang songs like any other Protestant church would and prayed before opening the Bible to read. As a revert to the Catholic Church, it very much reminded me of the non-denominational bible study they called service. Besides the story that was told in the context of the scripture reading, the opening prayer really stood out to me. The leader prayed that the words of the songs being sung would be like incense to the Lord. The prayers would be lifted up to Him in a cloud. I am paraphrasing from what I remember, but it really stuck with me because this small church recognizes the significance of incense in worship but doesn’t actually use it or anything found in the Bible for worship.
The sermon felt even more like a Bible Study. He asked people questions, people asked him questions during the speech, and ultimately, I felt like the sermon was more of a personal narrative about the leader’s experiences and how God uses the everyday person to speak. I tried to find the sermon after the service to better understand what he was trying to say and how he was reading into the verses, but I couldn’t find it, unfortunately. His main message or points felt convoluted with so many other things.
When the service ended, we were introduced to two graduates of the program. My friend and one of the others in attendance. The entire congregation stayed for this ceremony, which made me realize Schyler was in good hands. He spoke about the trauma he lived through and how, after getting out of the Army, he felt lost again. A feeling very commonly expressed by veterans. It broke my heart because he mentioned that he and I haven’t seen each other since Fort Gordon, about 16 years ago. Not only that, but he brought it up that I was there when he was dealing with his divorce, and now I am there as he is getting sober. I was able to spend time with him afterwards while eating some of that pulled pork he helped cook from the pig he helped raise. I am proud of him for finding the help he needed and getting through it.
Overall, some key takeaways I gathered from this day were that the Wesleyan denomination is doing great work in evangelism, outreach, and spreading the Good News to those who truly need to hear it. Though we disagree on a number of doctrinal points, there is no doubt that they love God and they love Jesus with all their hearts. They take His calling very seriously.
As Catholics, we can do better. Too often, our parishes feel cold towards newcomers. Our evangelizing efforts are... meh. Our doctrine and scriptural understandings are bar none. There’s a reason Catholic is literally translated as “Universal.” We are the true Church — we just need to work on our hearts a bit. We need to be in the pits with those who need to hear the Gospel. We need to welcome people with smiles and not demand anything from someone who may be just getting to know Jesus for the first time. Make our parishes feel like home rather than utilitarian. Hang up pictures of your parishioners in community buildings, show up in the community, have prayer and bible studies, do things together outside of the pews. A lot of what we do can feel transactional — especially to those looking in.
In my parish, we are trying to get things moving. We attend a weekly Bible and Catechism study with my wife. Our youth group is ever-growing, which is so necessary for helping teens grow and develop in their faith while remaining youthful and full of fire. Our youth group has been to the soup kitchen to help serve food to the hungry and the homeless. Our men have gotten together for steaks, bourbon, and cigars at least once a quarter. The pews are overflowing with parishioners at every mass, so much so that we needed to add an extra mass in the morning. In between the two main masses, we have donuts and fellowship time--which is crucial for that time together. My family doesn’t always make it to the donuts, but when we do, it is a great time for the kids to hang out and play together.
Though we have so many things happening in our growing parish, there is still so much more we can and should do as a parish. Some parishes will have different needs, and others will grow into new ones as they grow. We must treat our Church and our homes as living, breathing beings. It has the breath of the Holy Spirit and will need to change locally over time. Perhaps your parish has more older retired men with a handful of younger men-- try a Mentorship Program and call it St. Joseph’s workshop. Where men come together and learn from each other with the tools of the trade. Or, maybe you have more babies than you do adults. If that’s the case, congratulations, you will have more growth to build from. Try a nursery with lots of toys. There will, undoubtedly, be older women who look forward to stopping in and getting baby cuddles.
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.”
-- Mother Theresa
Of course, all the parish activities mean nothing if we aren’t doing what we are told to in the conclusion of Mass. We must “Go and announce the Gospel of the Lord.”
If we aren’t spreading the Gospel, then it is falling on deaf ears every Sunday. When someone new comes in, smile and make sure they know where the pew missals are; maybe invite them to sit with you to help them navigate the Mass. Yes, you’re there to worship and to prepare your heart to receive the Holy Eucharist, but how would Jesus treat the stranger who comes in off the street, who knows nothing about the Church? He would smile and welcome them home.
“Welcome one another, therefore, as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” -- Romans 15:7
Don’t overstretch yourself or your talents. Not everyone is called to serve God through prison ministry or singing in the choir. Some are called to walk the cemeteries with a rosary in hand, praying for the departed souls. Use your talents in accordance with a resounding joy for the presence of the Lord. Whatever you are feeling called to do, all of our callings involve love
.
“Then, overcome by joy, I cried, ‘Jesus, my love. At last, I have found my vocation. My vocation is love.’” — St. Thérèse of Lisieux
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